Lonely

I am going to be honest here and say that lately I have been feeling a little lonely.

I want to start off by saying that I am SO thankful for everything that GOD has provided for us here in O'Fallon.  We are where we are supposed to be and I know that.  I thank God every night for the amazing life He has given me and am in awe of what He has done to get us here.  I love spending my life with Steven.  I love our church and our teenagers.  I love our house.  I love my job.  I even love our dog (most days).  Usually, I say that O'Fallon is a nice distance from home... 3.5 hours is short enough that we can come home whenever we need/want to (if our jobs permit), but long enough that we are forced to be independent as a couple and stand on our own two feet... Not to mention, it is nice that we miss out on some of the family drama!

But what is missing here is friends...  Just good, fun, solid, friendships.

Last weekend, Steven and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with a friend from church, Steve, and his girlfriend, Megan.  Steve kept running into old friends from high school.  On the way home, Steven and I discussed how it must be nice to be able to just run into so many people who you have known for years and catch up with them right where you left off. 

We have made some great relationships here.  The church welcomed us with open arms and we are so thankful for these people.  But I was reminded tonight just how volatile it can be.  As a pastor and his wife, it's safe to say that our every move and word is evaluated and more often than I'd like, criticized.  Obviously, we want to live lives of integrity and be good examples in our character for the teens.  But we are human, too.  Sometimes we don't have the right words to say, sometimes our temper is a little short, sometimes we are tired.  Sometimes we wake up late, sometimes we forget things, sometimes (okay, all of the time) we can't keep everyone happy.  There can be a lot of pressure on both of us, but we can't be perfect.

Which is why we need friends outside of the church, too, who don't expect that of us, and that we can come to with doubts, insecurities, or struggles...

Even tonight, the speaker at the Youth Rally was someone we were acquaintances with in Springfield.  He went to BBC and was also at our church.  I knew who he was, and we'd spoken a few times, but were not close by any means.  But still, somehow, seeing someone- anyone- from our "old" life was comforting and made the environment feel just a little more like home.


That's what I am missing... the feeling of being HOME... of seeing my old high school friends and being in my hometown.  Knowing where everything is and how to get there.  Knowing that there are people there who love ME and will be there for me no. matter. what.  and that have proven themselves over the years in the test of time.  That I can be myself with and be so at ease that I can laugh until I cry.

I miss meeting up with with a friend for coffee or being able to get a group together to go to dinner or a movie.   I miss double or triple dating with girls that were Bridesmaids in my wedding.  I miss girl's nights where we just share life and laugh our heads off while taking goofy pictures like we are in Jr. High again.  The opportunity to put serious life aside for a while and just refresh.  Those are things that I think that all girls need... relationships... and I am feeling a bit of a void in that area right now.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Please don't take any of this too personal or read too much into it.  This is the first time I have posted anything like this on this blog for a reason, because (1) I don't usually feel this Emo, and (2) I feel that by posting something like this I'm also being vulnerable for people to understand and accepting of not being all the way held together all of the time.   My goal in life is to truly impact others (particularly our teens) by God's love.  I want His love to shine through me and be reflected by how I act and speak.  HE is my priority, not Girls Night... and I hope that this post does not cast doubt upon that in any way.

I feel like 1 Corinthians 15:58 was what I needed tonight...
"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as you know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."

And Colossians 3:23-24...
"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as ot the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ."

And 1 Peter 3:17 (can you tell I'm going through my Bible as we speak?... I think this is my favorite so far...)
"For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing."

And 1 Peter 5:7...
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

We have had a good but somewhat exhausting past few days!

Last night was our Jr. High party.  We do an activity like this every quarter and it is always fun!  Jr. Highers are much easier to please than High Schoolers.  :)  We all gathered at the church, Steven did a devotion, then we played games, some of the girls did a "craft", and watched a movie until midnight when their parents picked them up!

Getting ready for another thrilling game of Toga

Can you guess which one is mine?

Steven's lesson was inspired by Barkley.  If you have known me or been reading this for any amount of time, you know Barkley is notorious for running away.  Steven and I just couldn't understand why it kept happening, but finally realized a few weeks ago that it gives a great picture of how we can be sometimes with our Heavenly "Master".

*We are his master... chasing after him... calling after him... pursuing him... wanting him to come to us so we can be with him and take care of him.
*We provide all of his needs and many of his wants.  He is never wanting food, water, or shelter.  But still He longs for freedom even though it is very dangerous
*He doesn't understand the seriousness of his disobedience.  He could get hit by a car or run too far away and never find his way back.
*He is distracted by things of the world... exploring new things, chasing after rabbits, enjoying the thrill of no leash/fence/limitations.
*We call his name... He
A  Ignores us and keeps running
B looks back at us to make sure we are still there... He thinks about coming but ultimately decides not to
*He takes us for granted in that he knows that we will always find him and welcome him home with open arms because WE LOVE HIM.

I know this can seem silly, but I think it was a really good illustration for them!  Steven used Luke 15 and talked about the Prodigal Son along with this lesson.

We were at the church until 12:45 cleaning, and this morning we had our two teens from the "Buy a Teen" fundraiser come over to help us remove the stump from our "flower bed"!

I'd say they did a pretty good job, wouldn't you??  :)

We took them to Fazoli's for lunch, then I ran some errands... still on the search for the perfect dresser for our guest room!

Eat it

We had a fun weekend!   It rained pretty much the whole weekend, except it stopped around 4:00 on Saturday, just in time for our Fellowship Dinner.  It went great... Steven prepared our hamburgers and brats for us, everyone brought a side, and then we ate on our patio.  We watched the Blues game together on TV and finished up with dessert and a game of Scattergories!

Yesterday night it was storming pretty hard while we had youth group.  Steven and I got back home from Wendy's and noticed that our subdivision's entry light was not on.  We made a joke about how we aren't paying $65 in Homeowner's Fees for them to not turn the light on!  Then we got to our house and the garage door wouldn't go up...  the electricity had gone out.  That wouldn't be such a problem, except for we recently switched the lock and deadlock on our front door and Steven didn't have the new keys on his keyring.  (I am very responsible and do have it on mine, but it was locked inside because Steven was driving.)  Luckily Steven did have the back door's key so he ran back in the pouring rain and let us in.

It is funny to live without power for a while.  We are so used to it!  I'd had a movie from Redbox that we had planned on watching, but of course we couldn't do that.  We lit all of the candles in our house and took them to the dining table to play a game together.  A few minutes after we got the game set up, of course the oven beeped that the power came back on but we decided to finish the game without electricity for the fun of it, and when it was over we were able to watch our movie. :)

I wanted to share the casserole carriers I made a couple of months ago!  I am so excited about them!!

I used the tutorial here and made one for me and one for my cousin David who is getting married this summer! (Pretty sure it's safe to post here because he definitely won't be reading this blog lol)

(They are the same, just the dish inside of the top carrier is more flat and the bottom one has an outward lid so they look different)

This one is David's.  He loves cooking and trying new dishes.  He is a social eater and enjoys getting together at friends' homes meals, so I think/hope that this is something they will use often!

It is hard to pick a fabric for someone else... but I liked the food theme on the front (with the hearts) and the colorful chevron on the inside!

This is mine...  I am very excited about it because we have a lot of Potlucks at our church.  I am excited to bring it next time and imagine everyone someone asking me where I bought it, and I can tell them I made it!!  :)

You would think they would be super simple to make.. and I guess skill-wise they were, but they took me FOREVER!  Definitely a labor of love haha!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

We have been keeping busy as always!!

We are working on "finishing" our stairs.  We got a bid from a contractor of $550... we are hoping to do the project ourselves for under $150.  Our stairs look fine now but they do not have edging or trim which leaves them looking very unfinished.  We want to have this done by the beginning of May when my cousin Dayna and her family come to visit!  It is nice to have a deadline for this kind of work or it never gets done.  :)

Tonight we are hosting a Fellowship Dinner at our house.  Our church breaks into three groups and every other month, the groups get together for a dinner.  It was a really great way for us to get to know people last year!  Tonight we are having some of the younger families/members over to grill out (weather permitting!)

We have been looking into going to the beach for our anniversary this summer.  I found a great hotel at Siesta Key, whose beach has been in the "top 3 beaches" the last 3 years in a row, but it is 1.5 hours away from the airport with no public transportation... translating into probably at least $100 in cab fare each way.  So we are looking into other options!

The other day, I found this ottoman at Goodwill for $12.

UGLY, yes... but we are basically always looking for a good way to add seating to our home for when the teens come over.  For $12 I felt like I could take a risk on fixing it up.

Here it is after a TON of sanding, a coat of wood conditioner, three coats of stain, and some polyurithaine!

The fabric is the same as I used for my Great-Grandma's cedar chest I re-did here, so they go together nicely in the living room.

Career Opportunities

Well, I had kind of a sad day at work yesterday!

My boss let me know that the girl I have been filling in for for the past 8 months is coming back on May 1.  And she is taking all of "my" shifts with her.

I had been told a couple of months ago, that she wouldn't be back until the end of May.  Then with Jenny's maternity leave, there would be hours for me until September.  So even though I knew when I took the position that this would be coming, I didn't think it would come so soon.

I had already signed off on taking some of my co-workers vacation days in May, but when those are over they won't have any shifts for me.

I may have cried a little.  :)  It's crazy to think about how hesitant I was about the job when I first took it, to how much I have grown to love the staff and residents now. 

Not to mention that the interview process is NEVER fun... and neither is getting used to a new place and people.

But God is in control, and he has been this entire time!  Ever since I took the job, I have been praying about where I would go after that.  My time at DG has given me great experience and references to put on my resume, that are more along the field of "Senior Living" than my previous experience.

An upside to my night, is there was a resident, R, who went to Rehab at Delmar Gardens for a few months.  While he was there he ALWAYS came to the Sing-A-Longs I led once a month on Monday nights and Saturday afternoons.  He was such a nice man, and I was so sad (for me... happy for him!) when in February he was well enough to move next door to the independent living apartments.  He asked me to visit him, and one Sunday I did with another co-worker.  Anyway, last night was a Sing-A-Long night, and I was "gathering" Residents I walked into the room and there was R!  He and his daughter had come over just for my activity and it just meant the world to me...

Time to become BFF's with careerbuilder, indeed, and craigslist as I look for job listings!!

Banana Pancakes

Today was our girl's Pancake Fundraiser!

For a $7 donation, anyone could come get for all you can eat pancakes!

The girls did such a GREAT job!

Ellen, Madison, Tori, and Cassie were on pancake and sausage making duty...  they did awesome!!

Brooke and Emily (our 8th graders who will be in HIGH SCHOOL this year) did amazing serving the breakfast foods!

A breakfast would not be complete without juice, fruit, and coffee.  Alyssa served drinks to everyone.

Rebecca monitored our Raffle table.  We had two prizes- a cute coffee mug with items from Bath and Body Works inside, and an Easter basket with candy, fuzzy socks, and a candle inside!  Rebecca is so sweet and hospitable, I know she did a great job at that table!

Not pictured- Molly who was our official greeter!  She welcomed everyone and collected money.

Anaya and Monica helped a little bit everywhere!  They held the door open for people, collected trash, and served pancakes when Emily had to leave early.

We had a much better crowd than I was expecting... at one point almost all of the seats in the fellowship hall were taken.

God is so good!  The girls each got $55 to go toward their camp fund!!


I was SOOOO happy to get to see some of my FAVORITE people today!

The Litfins were driving through St. Louis on their way to KC.  They called when they were close but I was needed at the church setting up the breakfast, so they came to the church to see me!

Sweet Ari turns 1 tomorrow... the last time I saw her she was 1 month old!  It was a short visit, but I am crossing my fingers that they will come back the same route they came so I can see them again next week.

What a great morning.  I am off to wash a ton of utensils and dishes (there is no sink at the church) and then look for a dresser for our guest bedroom!

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Barkley has been a very bored naughty dog this week.  He has ran away 3 times in the last 8 days.

Last Thursday, I thought it would be a great idea to bring Barkley to work with me for a whole day (his first time for that long).  He did GREAT.  In the morning, We had a fire drill while I was walking him through the halls and he didn't freak out or anything even though I know it scared him.  He did so good sitting with me during Exercise, and even did tricks in front of the Residents.

We were all out of the office taking Residents back from Exercise around 3:45.  I'm headed back to the Activity Room and my co-worker yells at me, "Go get your car, Barkley got out!".  Apparently a little boy opened up the office door and let him out to look at a puppy, then he went right out the front door and next door to the Villa's!  My boss was already headed to her car with her keys, so I hopped in with her.  I was so scared I was going to find him laying on the Outer Road, hit by a car...

We spotted B sniffing around the building, but of course when he saw me he thought it was a game and ran away.  We spent at least 15 minutes running after him, until finally I snatched him.  I called Steven and my mom on the way home and just cried.  I was so mad at him for making me chase after him like an idiot in front of my boss!

Monday, he ran away while I was at work.  He dug underneath our fence into our neighbor's fence, and our neighbor was such a dear to let him out to run free.  He ran up the street and next to Hwy K... the last place we ever want him to go because it's a a busy road with two lanes each way.  Finally he found a lady outside with her dog and she was able to hold onto him until Steven caught up.

So today Steven and I let B outside and were watching TV.  About half an hour later, someone rang our doorbelland asked if our dog was with us.  We said yes, he was in the back yard.  He asked if we were sure, because he thought he had just seen him running down Woodcrest.  I checked outside and sure enough, he had somehow escaped the yard!  So Steven and I got in the car and headed to where he said he'd seen him last.  We drove around the neighborhood next to ours for a while and stopped to ask anyone who was outside if they had seen him... most of them had so we followed their directions.  Finally we drove past him sniffing around someone's garage door and front porch!  We yelled out to him that we had a bone for him, which interested him enough to come up to the car, but he ran off as soon as we tried to grab him.  Steven chased after him and I stayed with the car so we could catch up to him if need be.  Apparently Barkley was chasing a rabbit.  We finally got him though, and found out that he had dug underneath the "door" part of our fence (a different hole than the one to our neighbors!)

After we got B, we went to our neighbor to thank him for coming over and telling us Barkley was missing.  He said he'd seen him in our front yard, but assumed he was on his yard stake.  A few minutes later, his dogs started going crazy and he looked out the window at Barkley running past his house!  He actually went out and chased him for a while before he came to our house, and even got in his car after we'd been gone for a while to check and see if we had found him.


Oh, boy...